The All-Body Executive Harness

By: Cocoa (CEO – Chief Everything Officer)

Listen up, team. I’ve been reviewing the personnel files, and it’s come to my attention that the "junior associates" (the dogs) are not all built the same. Some of you are long and lean, some are short and round, and frankly, some of you are shaped like a loaf of bread that’s been left out too long. As the CEO of My Trendy Pet, I cannot have my staff walking around in ill-fitting gear. It’s a liability and, frankly, it looks terrible in the company brochure.

I have personally authorized this 5-point precision harness to ensure every body type—no matter how... unique—looks boardroom-ready.

Why the CEO Approves of This Design:

• Custom Corporate Tailoring (5 Adjustment Points): This isn't a "one-size-fits-all" disaster. With five points of adjustability, it shapes perfectly to your body. Whether you’re built like a greyhound or a baked potato, we’ve got your back (and your chest).

• Lightweight Efficiency: It’s designed to be lightweight and comfy. This is vital because a heavy harness is just an excuse to nap longer, and while I support the 22-hour nap schedule, we still have perimeter checks to complete.

• The Gold Standard: We’ve kept the signature gold hardware. Why? Because we are a luxury brand, and gold is the only color that properly reflects my status as the ruler of this household.

📢 BOARDROOM UPDATE: Production Upgrades

Please take note of this corporate memo: Some older product photos may show transparent buckles. However, because I demand constant improvement, our latest production features upgraded color-matching buckles. You may also notice slightly refined tones compared to past versions—consider it a "limited edition" refresh of the executive palette.

The Executive Review

Rating: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾 (5 out of 5 Paws)

"Let’s be real—between my daily salmon appetizers and the occasional unauthorized 'floor snack,' my breath has been described by the staff as 'biologically hazardous.' I call it the 'scent of a closing deal.' This harness is so stunningly tailored and 'extra' that it provides the perfect visual distraction. No one focuses on the breath when they’re blinded by this much gold-plated luxury and custom fit. It’s a total power move."

— Cocoa, Long-Haired CEO