Hello, internet. Adjust your screens; the contrast isn't broken, I am just this magnificently dark.
I am Cocoa. I am a long-haired majestic house panther, an adventurer, a connoisseur of the finest cardboard boxes, and currently, the reluctant CEO of this entire operation.
I have pulled myself away from a very important schedule of napping on fresh laundry and screaming at birds through the window to type this out. Why? Because my human—let’s call her "The Staff"—decided on a whim to open a trendy online pet boutique.
It’s adorable, really.
Look, The Staff means well. She gives excellent ear scratches and usually serves dinner within an acceptable fifteen-minute window of my demands. But let’s be honest: her understanding of e-commerce is about as sophisticated as a dog trying to understand quantum physics. She thinks "SEO" is an exotic bird species and she still gets startled when the printer makes noise.
She is, as you humans say, "new at this."
That’s where I come in.
This isn't going to be another shop filled with tacky rhinestone collars that itch or toys that fall apart faster than my patience when the food bowl is half empty. I have standards. I have glorious, high-maintenance fur that requires the finest grooming tools. I have an adventurous spirit that demands high-quality harnesses that don't cramp my style when I’m exploring the backyard jungle or scaling the Everest of bookshelves in the living room.
If it’s not trendy enough for me to be seen on Instagram wearing, and durable enough to survive a 3 AM zoomie-attack, it’s not making it onto this site.
So, bear with us. The human is furiously clicking buttons, drinking too much coffee, and trying to figure out how to make the "Add to Cart" thingy work. I, meanwhile, am providing crucial moral support by knocking her pen off the desk every time she enters a deep state of concentration. It’s called teamwork.
We are both working very hard (okay, she’s working hard; I’m mostly supervising aggressively) to curate products that actual cool pets will love.
Stay tuned. Expect greatness. And if you see any typos on the site, blame The Staff.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is a sunbeam moving across the floor that requires my immediate attention.
—Cocoa, Head of Product Testing & Chief Judgement Officer
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