The Tall Human Had a Meltdown

February 17, 2026

By: Cocoa, CEO of Cocoa the Trendy Pet

Listen, I’ve seen some things in my time. I’ve seen a vacuum cleaner eat a sock. I’ve seen a fly mock me from the ceiling for twenty minutes. But today? Today I witnessed a full-blown human meltdown.

The Tall Human (Kristen, if we’re being formal) had a bit of a... moment.

Apparently, she spent a lot of time making something called an “inventory list.” It had all the details about my upcoming t-shirts for the adults and the little humans. It was very organized. Very professional. Very "data analytics."

And then, with one accidental click of a paw—err, finger—it was gone. Poof. Deleted. Into the digital void.

The Great Sob of 2026

I watched from the safety of the bookshelf as she realized what happened. First came the silence. Then, the realization. And then? The sobbing. I timed it—a solid 2-3 minutes of pure, unadulterated human leaky-eye syndrome.

I’ll be honest, I didn't know humans could make those sounds. It sounded a bit like Peeps when he gets his tail stepped on, but with more "why me" and less "ouch."

I think she’s a little stressed. Just a hunch.

Why Humans Are Weird

If I lose something—like my favorite crinkle ball under the fridge—do I sit there and leak from my eyes for three minutes? No. I simply yell at the nearest human until they fix it. It's a much more efficient system.

But humans... they like to feel things. They like to "process." Personally, I think she just needs a nap in a square of sunlight and maybe a few pieces of high-quality salmon. That usually fixes my "data" issues.

Don't Panic (I’m Still Here)

To all my fans waiting for the drop: Don't worry. The list might be gone, but the shirts are still very much real. My face is still magnificent, and the inventory is still sitting in boxes, even if the computer doesn't know it yet.

The human is currently "re-grouping" (which I think is human-speak for drinking coffee and staring blankly at the wall). She'll get it back together. I might even go over and let her pet me for exactly four seconds to help her stress levels.

Actually, five seconds. She looked really sad.