By: Cocoa (CEO – Chief Eating Officer)
Listen, humans. I’ve heard your complaints about "eight-hour shifts" and "traffic." Try being the face of an entire pet empire while maintaining a strict 22-hour daily nap schedule. It is exhausting. Between supervising the inventory (by sitting on it) and testing the durability of the curtains (verdict: they’re delicious), I barely have time to yell at the bottom of my food bowl just because I can see a 2mm circle of ceramic.
I’ve decided to let you in on how I keep this operation running smoothly while looking this fabulous. Hint: It involves high-quality gear and a total lack of respect for personal space.
1. The Mobile Office (aka The Escape Pod)
When I have to travel for "business" (which my human calls "the vet," but I know is actually a secret summit for high-level felines), I refuse to be carried in a cardboard box like a common toaster. I demand luxury. My Soft-Sided Pet Travel Carrier is basically my private jet. It’s ventilated, so I can glare at passersby with maximum airflow, and it's soft enough that I can pretend I’m still in bed while we’re doing 65 on the highway.
2. Stress Management (aka The Hunt)
Maintaining this level of corporate dominance can be stressful. To keep my reflexes sharp for when a stray moth enters the boardroom, I use the PlayKat Interactive Cat Toy. It’s the only thing that moves fast enough to keep me interested, and unlike the human’s toes under the blanket, I’m actually allowed to bite this. It’s called "professional development." Look it up.
3. Cognitive Exercises (aka The "Where is the Treat?" Game)
A CEO is only as good as their brainpower. When I'm not plotting world domination or wondering why the red dot never lets me catch it, I engage in some high-level problem solving. The Plush Puzzle Ball is my go-to. It keeps me busy long enough for the humans to eat their dinner in peace—which is a mistake on their part, honestly, because I should always be the center of attention. It's soft, it's confusing, and it's much more dignified than chasing my own tail (which I only do ironically, I swear).
That’s all for now. My 2:15 PM nap is approaching, and the sunbeam on the rug isn't going to utilize itself. Stay trendy, stay hungry, and remember: if you don't keep the treats coming, I will find your favorite pair of shoes.
Stay Fluffy, Cocoa
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