Cocoa Conquers Valentine’s Day: Roses Are Red, My Humans Are Slow, Send Treats Instead

Cocoa Conquers Valentine’s Day: Roses Are Red, My Humans Are Slow, Send Treats Instead - Cocoa The Trendy Pet
By: Cocoa, Supreme Feline Overlord & CEO of Cocoa the Trendy PetListen up, peasants—I mean, loyal subjects and potential customers.Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, the one day of the year when even dogs get away with public displays of affection. Disgusting. While the rest of the world was drowning in cheap roses, heart-shaped biscuits, and those nauseating couple selfies, I was busy running an empire. And conquering February 14th like the boss I was born to be.Here’s how a true CEO handles the so-called “day of love”:
  1. Morning Briefing: Zero Tolerance for Nonsense
    My human (you know her as “the staff”) tried to put a red bow on my neck at 7:03 a.m. A BOW. On ME. I gave her the patented Death Stare™ until she removed it faster than you can say “limited-edition drop.” Pro tip: never accessorize the boss without written approval. That’s in the employee handbook, page 3

Exhibit A: The face that launched a thousand removals. Bow attempt: denied.
  1. Midday Power Nap: Strategic Rest
    While the internet exploded with #PetValentines posts, I napped on the heated throne (aka the recliner). Dreams included world domination and an endless supply of Churu. Woke up refreshed and ready to judge everyone’s gift choices.

Behold: peak executive recharge. No interruptions, no heart emojis, just pure power (and impeccable yawn form).
  1. Evening Takeover: The Real Love Language
    Forget flowers. Forget chocolate (dogs will just steal it anyway). The superior Valentine’s gesture is spoiling your pet with something stylish AND functional. Think elegant collars that scream sophistication, bowls that make mealtime feel like fine dining, and toys that keep the chaos entertaining (but on my terms).     All the trendy essentials are waiting for you at cocoathetrendypet.myshopify.com. If they sell out before you blink, don’t blame me. Blame your slow paws. And yes—everyone gets 10% off automatically at checkout. You’re welcome.

Proof positive: even in repose, I exude royalty. Your pet deserves this level of vibe upgrade.Bottom line: Valentine’s Day isn’t about finding “the one.” It’s about reminding everyone who’s really in charge. Me. Always me.So go ahead, shower your dog or cat (or both—greed is acceptable) with trendy gear from my store. Do it quickly. My patience is thinner than a laser pointer dot.Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a PlayKat® session scheduled and then another nap. Running the world is exhausting.Paws & orders,
Cocoa
CEO, Chief Whisker Officer, & Your New Valentine
Cocoa the Trendy Pet 🖤P.S. If you comment below with what ridiculous Valentine gift your human tried to force on you, I might feature the funniest ones in my next post. No promises. I’m very selective

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